One of the most rewarding activities I pursue is that of
doing outreach presentations at colleges and universities. These
talks, usually for psychology or social sciences classes, provide
not only an opportunity for the "ham" in me to do what
I enjoy most, but also yield wonderful dividends by planting
the seeds of understanding which will counter the attitudes of,
for lack of a better word, transphobia among the unenlightened
public.
There is an expression, "You teach what you need to
learn." There's a lot of truth in that statement. I have
profited so much more from my interactions with college students
than they ever could have gained from me. Students these days
are very open minded, keen to learn, and unabashed in their curiosity.
Faced with questions which actually challenge us to think about
the choices we have made is one of the surest ways to expand
our horizons. Immerse yourself in today's youth and you will
reap uncountable riches.
Occasionally I have to be reminded that not everyone is comfortable
in the role of speaker or lecturer. There is an interesting statistic
in "The Book of Lists" which makes a compelling case;
for the majority of people, the fear of standing before an audience
is greater than the fear of falling, burning, drowning, or even
of death itself. That's an awesome aversion to overcome. If you
are among those who would rather endure root canal surgery than
address a group of strangers, you may lose some of that apprehension
with a few pointers.
First, you must be truly comfortable with yourself, all the
way from the inside to the outside. When you are at ease with
your gender gift, self actualized and comfortable with the person
you have become, that confidence simply radiates outward for
all to see. Call it 'charisma' or 'presence' or 'charm' - whatever
- it is that external display of inner assuredness which 'sells'
you as genuine. In other words, others
will reflect back to you whatever you feel about yourself.
As every marketer knows, the packaging is crucial in selling
the product. To earn the respect of an audience you must first
demonstrate that you hold yourself in high enough regard to be
well groomed and nicely dressed. If people won't pick up a dented
can of beans from the grocery store shelf they certainly will
be reluctant to lend much credence to your 'contents' if the
package is unattractive. Dress conservatively. Go easy on the
jewelry and keep what you wear simple and tasteful. Pay particular
attention to your hands; others will.
 You get *one* chance to project
a positive first impression, so make the most of it. People share
abundant, unflattering stereotypes about crossdressers so we
certainly don't need to reinforce them by dressing like a streetwalker
or by making some arcane counterculture fashion statement. Let's
put them at ease first; later we can consider expanding the envelope.
Note: please don't infer that you have to be beautiful or
'pass'. I don't put a high priority on being mistaken for a genetic
female. However, I *do* place a lot of emphasis on being seen
as someone who is fit, fashionable, and friendly. Everything
else is a welcome bonus.
So, assuming that you've got a positive attitude on the inside
and a non-threatening appearance on the outside, let's go into
the classroom. Enter the room with a smile. I'm big on smiles.
They tell others that we're secure individuals, that we are non-threatening,
and that we're having a good time. Besides smiles are infectious;
people reflexively return them and, in so doing, actually feel
better themselves. A recent study informs that very few men smile
their way into a room whereas the majority of women make their
entrance displaying that very pleasant expression. Try it.
Good carriage is a must; head up, shoulders back. Don't walk;
'flow' instead. Your head mustn't bob up and down like a fisherman's
cork in a stream. You'll be delighted to know that wearing heels
encourages taking shorter steps which will automatically force
some degree of stability in your gait, provided you have taken
the time to practice walking, turning, standing, sitting, and
rising in those pumps. Please avoid platforms, boots, or strappy
"do me" pumps.
When you address the group, stand up; your voice will carry
better without straining when your abdomen isn't constricted.
A speaker's trick for projecting your voice well is to talk to
the last row, not the first. On the subject of voice -
don't even think about using a fake, high falsetto because you'll
sound like Mickey Mouse in drag. Use your normal voice, just
softer with perhaps a little more breathiness and a lot more
inflection (up and down, for emphasis). Male speech is monotonous
- literally; femme speech is musical. Sit in a restaurant and
*listen* to the conversations around you to see what I mean.
 If there is a hand
held microphone available, use it. Not only will it keep one
of your hands busy it will allow you to be heard with less effort.
If you hold it directly in front of your mouth it will hide your
lipstick and will amplify every 't' and 'p' into mini-explosions
and every breath into a hurricane. It's called "eating the
mike". Hold it instead just below your face with the axis
of the microphone pointed at your lips. If your group is large
enough to require a microphone it's likely that some of the questions
you get won't be heard by everyone, so repeat each question
before your answer it.
 Avoid using lecterns (some people
errantly call them "podiums"). Beginning speakers have
a tendency to lean on (or worse, hide behind) these bulky columns.
Stand proudly in front of your audience. Luckily, most women's
fashions don't have pockets, so you'll likely be provided no
opportunity to place your hands in them. Likewise, avoid clasping
your hands - either behind you in a 'parade rest' position or
in front at crotch level (too much of a visual metaphor). If
you must do something with your hands, hold your speaking outline
- on note cards, please - at waist level (or a little higher,
but not so elevated as to obscure your face). There's no negative
impact from your audience seeing you refer to your notes; they
will realize you are relying on them to ensure you cover all
the important points. Your arms don't look attractive when they
dangle like two bionic pendulums. A good standby is to use the
waist high "cleaning my nails" position, fingertips
just touching, one palm up and one palm down. Avoid standing
with your feet apart.
Finally, make good eye contact with your audience. Don't
believe the nonsense you may hear about looking just over their
heads. Find friendly faces among those to whom you are speaking
and hold their gaze for a couple of seconds, as if to say, "I'm
speaking directly to you." Repeat with as many people as
you can manage. It will make a wonderful difference in how you
are perceived. If you don't make cheerful eye contact, folks
might assume you are ashamed or guilty about somethng, and we
can't have that, can we?
The following page continues this topic,with subject matter,
definitions, my answers to the most common inquiries, plus how
to deal with surprises, hostility, the religion issue, and the
occasional really personal questions.
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